Excuses

How many times have you found yourself saying “I’ll do X if Y…” or “I can’t do X because Y?”
Welcome to the story of my life.

Some people dive in head first when they realize their kinky nature.  Others, like me, are more reluctant to put themselves out there.  I find that my long delay into the BDSM community has largely been the result of several years of excuses piled upon each other.

It’s too far.
I’m too worried about the language barrier.
I’m too shy.
No one will want to talk to me, so why bother?
I have no experience so I don’t feel like I belong.
Maybe I’ll go out once I have more experience.
I’m too fat.
I’ll go once I’ve lost 5/10/15/20 pounds.

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I am…

There are so many elements that make up who we are.  Imagine a person as this incredibly intricate and exquisite machine. Each gear, each cog, each screw and bolt and electrical impulse creates this beautiful whole. Even the “kinks” in the system are a visceral part of what makes us, well, us. Each memory, each experience and each inherent trait builds us up layer upon layer, razor-thin like those in mica.

My hope in creating this blog is to mark my voyage towards self-discovery, self-acceptance, and, ultimately, self-fulfillment. I’d like to gently scrape away at those layers of mica to get to the heart of who I am, what I think and what I want. Getting that kinky itch scratched in the process may just be kinky icing on an equally kinky cake.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not exactly the most emotionally self-aware person in the world. Frankly, my emotional quotient is quite lacking. Often, I find that I don’t immediately realize – or perhaps more accurately, accept – my emotions and desires.

It should come as no surprise, then, that it has taken me a long time to come to acknowledge my submissive nature.  Here I sit in my early thirties, and am only now feeling as though I’m coming into my own. Realization of my submissive desires has only become the first step. Here, I’ll work through whatever fears, concerns, hopes, observations and desires that may catch my fancy at any particular time.

In the end, all I can say for certain is that

I am a woman.
I am an American living abroad.
I am a decent person.

I am submissive.

 

This is my journey.   Come and join me for the ride.